Recently, I purchased a pair of Neutralizers. Now typically, this is brand I shy away from because they tend to look older ladyish and a bit lazy. But there is a reason they are popular, and that is because they actually are super comfortable. Designed with thicker souls and wider heals, they are just an easier shoe to wear for hours on end, especially if you are stuck in pumps for hours.
People don’t wear pumps in Leavenworth. This granola loving,
outdoor adventure, Bavarian-wanna be town doesn’t require heels, but rather the trendier commercial crocs and tevas. So the
purchase seems a bit illogical on the surface, but really, it was the hardest
$15.00 I’ve spent in a while (yes, I did find them on the clearance rack at
Macy’s, and then I had a coupon which saved me 79.00J).
I bought the shoes because my heart needs to continue to
follow my head. My heart knows its only wise to put further distance between possibilities that are already ridiculous. To place my life in a position where it will be completely repainted in career, friends, church, and landscape opens my life to be touched by the Father because of obedience and surrender . I’ve have been taking steps towards Portland by working on resumes and
contacting connections. But I think the fact that I’m terrified to check the
replies in my inbox is a window into myself. There is a deep fear whose sound
continues to resonate loudly in the chamber of my chest. I know I want my life
to change from this season, but taking the steps is difficult and slightly painful.
Over the last several months I’ve developed a deep love for
Beth Moore. In one of her books I’m studying she wrote a chapter about what it
means to believe. She writes:
In Genesis 15:6, the
Hebrew word for “believed is aman, meaning
“to make firm…to stand firm, to be enduring; to trust, to believe.” In Romans
4:3, the Greek word for “believed” is pisteuo,
meaning “to be firmly persuaded as to something, to believe…with the idea of
hope and certain expectation.” It comes from the Greek word pistis, translated into the English word
faith throughout the New Testament. As you can see, in both testaments, belief
and faith represent the same concept.
That was the first moment that I actually had an urge to run
to the tattoo parlor, but then realized that having the word “pistis”
may not be the most attractive word you could permanently bleed into your skin.
But it spoke to my heart. 2 Timothy 1:12 says
“For this
reason I also suffer these things; nevertheless I am not ashamed, for I know
whom I believe and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed
to Him until that Day”
And the question is then asked; do I actually believe (stand
firm in, enduring in, trust in, am firmly persuaded by) the truths that Ive
spent months praying? Do I believe (stand firm in, enduring in, trust in, am
firmly persuaded by) that God is able to do so much more in my life than I can
possibly dream or imagine? Do I believe(stand firm in, enduring in, trust in,
am firmly persuaded by) that the risen Lord Jesus is guarding those dear to my
heart, and guarding my heart in the process? Do I believe (stand firm in,
enduring in, trust in, am firmly persuaded by) that my Savior and King and
redeem my life from the nothingness I feel its become, and make it into
something I feel is desirable?
Do I believe (stand firm in, enduring in, trust in, am
firmly persuaded by) Gods power can secure me a ‘big girl’ job in Portland? So I bought the shoes. Preparing myself for a future that isn’t seen, but a future I can trust in because I fully believe (stand firm in, enduring in, trust in, am firmly persuaded by) His character.
He is risen, risen indeed. My own lack of faith is covered by his goodness and grace. I have been given new life, and it’s a truth that I want to soak and rest in. What a gracious loving God we have, and these little chapters in my life can be displays of His glory, His loving kindness, and His power.
It is good to draw near this Easter.
No comments:
Post a Comment