Its nights like these that become significant. In several months, i wonder if i will remember this evening and realize that this is when things shifted, when the world warmed and became friendlier.
Tonight was one of the best nights i've had in ages. Spurred on by an absolutely fantastic dinner at Andina. I'm starting to get this food thing that i keep reading about...how sometimes the best parts of life surround sauted vegetables, robust red wines, perfectly grilled chicken. Or in tonight's terms, Beef Empanadas with raisins and olives, limed seasoned quinoa, crab stuffed avocado, spanish potato frittata, figs and sweetened goat cheese, dulce de leche tamale with spicy habenero. Ice cream and rich chocolate cake. Some strange cookie with a taste i couldn't quite decipher, and a drink that reminded me mulled wine without the vinegar. I get what Shauna has been saying throughout her books....life happens around the craft of well made food.
Something in my thinking changed over the course of the conversation. Something more freeing than i've felt in sometime. For the first time the thought, the suggestion, the prodding that perhaps my life doesn't have to look like i always planned was instantly relieving, more gratifying than the spoonfuls of lentil soup.
What if it's okay that my life looks different - in comparison to the shape i had always imagined, in comparison to my closest counterparts, to my sisters, my roommates and even to my mother. What if my life is greatly shaped not by all the great decisions, but grounded by some of the wrong ones. What if these seasons of craziness, dates, too much wine, too little sleep, working in a job that somedays i hate and somedays i love....what if i really let this be my story.
For a moment tonight i realized i have a story to tell, and it's not a story of broken endings and slow beginnings.
Over the table we talked about family, work, the things we want to accomplish, a deep love for travel. oh travel. how relieving it was to know that i could easily move on from Portland if it doesn't work out.
Maybe these are pointless ramblings, but for the first time in sometime, it makes sense to me.
