I suppose sometimes there are times in your life that you have to react without really knowing why. To simply stay still and think and wait isn't an option anymore.

I've sensed for sometime it's time. Being here is far less lucrative when working out the bigger picture. I'm not sure why i've stayed here for this long - I've been waiting. waiting for the dreams of my heart to take shape, or waiting for life to plant a new dream. either way, neither has happened. I have my scars and my stories to reflect on. The ashes promise beauty, but for now they speak of questions without answers, motives that can't be interpreted, sincerity in smiles and conversations that played my heart and left me teary eyed and cynical.

It wasn't a dramatic moment, but rather a calm certainty that it's time to place my life where i am open to a new reality - where i can actually dream a new dream or where i can stumble across new loves of my life.

I think that's the best way to describe what happened before. I never planned Capernwray, and certainly never planned Brady. Those were two things in my life i stumbled on, and realized i was right where i needed to be weeks and months later. I wonder if that's how much of my life will work. I'm not ambitious, I don't have big dreams. I'm not necessarily certain of who i am or where i'm headed. The Lords plans find me, and most of the time I'm oblivious to it.

portland.rain.umbrella.city.traffic.newbeginnings.

I'm stepping out in faith, trusting that the Lord has bigger things planned for me than i could ever hope for or imagine. I have peace.