simple thoughts

There isn’t much surprise in it.

Its what happens as you move forward. The past prowls its way through around your everyday and reminds you it’s presence, never far. With you and apart of you, yet unpresent. I know, it’s the strangest thing.

One step forward which begs three steps back each time every time. My head knows this is right in every way, my heart knows it too, but still needs some convincing.

It’s really irrational, the way your heart chooses to cling to someone. Something in me keeps going back to the end, back to the grave, bringing my offerings of flowers for memories cherished and gone. I know it’s irrational. I know it doesn’t make sense. But I miss the security, the human belonging, the feeling of being cherished, even if the moments were fleeting.

My head needs to make the decisions right now, and waywardly heart will follow. The days those two elements lack cohesion aren't my best days.

I was relieved when I read this today in 2 kings 4.

"One day Elisha went on to Shunem, where a wealthy woman lived, who urged him to eat some food. So whenever he passed that way, he would turn in there to eat food. ⁹ And she said to her husband, “Behold now, I know that this is a holy man of God who is continually passing our way. ¹⁰ Let us make a small room on the roof with walls and put there for him a bed, a table, a chair, and a lamp, so that whenever he comes to us, he can go in there.

¹¹ One day he came there, and he turned into the chamber and rested there. ¹² And he said to Gehazi his servant, “Call this Shunammite.” When he had called her, she stood before him. ¹³ And he said to him, “Say now to her, ‘See, you have taken all this trouble for us; what is to be done for you? Would you have a word spoken on your behalf to the king or to the commander of the army?’” She answered, “I dwell among my own people.” ¹⁴ And he said, “What then is to be done for her?” Gehazi answered, “Well, she has no son, and her husband is old.” ¹⁵ He said, “Call her.” And when he had called her, she stood in the doorway. ¹⁶ And he said, “At this season, about this time next year, you shall embrace a son.” And she said, “No, my lord, O man of God; do not lie to your servant.” ¹⁷ But the woman conceived, and she bore a son about that time the following spring, as Elisha had said to her."

I really do love this. Something about God working despite our belief that he can accomplish in us what we cannot will in ourselves. That God still has his ways and blesses our lives despite unbelief. That in the kingdom of God faithfulness and righteousness counts for more than a lot, and there is blessing in simply being obedient, thoughtful, kind, and caring.

There’s a question posed in this passage that only echo’s Jesus’ words in the new testament…”what is to be done for you?” Street language, what.do.you.want?

I think I know my answer. I want the ashes redeemed. I know that's a bold statement to make, but the more I discover about my heavenly Father, i smile because he defined bold. I wonder if the Lord smiles when we boldly ask for things in our lives that align with his character. Perhaps there is a a bit of an excitement because we actually are scratching the surface of who He is.