Good morning Thanksgiving.

As the name suggests, today is about giving thanks for all the tremendous blessings that have been graciously and abundantly given to us in and through Christ.

I am a blessed girl indeed. I have all my family home, a roof over my head, and tremendous meal made, friends, good health, money - so much more than so many have. I am home for the Thanksgiving, a first in 3 years.

The Lord is gracious and He is good. I know that i am held. He has given me grace after grace, spiritual blessing after blessing, and gift upon gift (john 1.16). I am favored, loved, thought well of. The daughter of the King of the universe. He has given me this life, this family, this house, this time.

My time is in his Hands, He has given me life. I've been set free from the bondage of the past, the bondage of the present.

It's such a blessing and a joy to be apart of His heavenly family.

I thank the Lord that my faith is found on solid ground, not shifting sand. That peace and joy doesn't flow out of the human heart, but out of the concrete love of the Lord. Hope doesn't grow dim or dark, for its source comes from an eternal sunshine; the glory of the Lord.

I am a blessed girl.

I miss him today, but wish all the best wishes as he continues to serve and do what he feels the Lord has put on his heart.

Delight, Commit, Trust.

It's evening time after my first day off in over a week. REFRESHING.

I loved being able to catch up with friends old and new.

I was able to finally hear the voice of a long lost friend that i miss dearly, and was approached about a possible three year commitment to my church. Oh. My. Goodness.

I haven't a clue what you are doing dear heavenly Father. This life is not my own.....but....really?

I am held. I am loved. He has a plan. He has given me peace. Planned my purpose. Has given me freedom.

I'm trusting. He knows the deep and hidden corners of my heart. And that is enough.

"Delight yourself in the Lord with all your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act."

Psalms 37.

The Lord knows me inside and out. So I do my best to surrender my wants, my fear, my uncertainty.

Some say steps made blind is what they call faith. I'm confused to the point of tears, but somewhere deep in my heart i know the truth.

He is enough, and He will see me through. He makes beautiful things, brings everything full circle. If not this side of heaven, then reasons explained in beauty of heaven.

Changing daydreams

I believe the Lord is taking care of those things that are most precious to my heart. He is not passive, He is always acting, working, changing, transforming.

There is only peace and freedom in the healing touch of my Heavenly Father. He is enough.

He only makes beautiful things. I believe He is the Christ; the one who makes all things new. He loves, transforms, restores, and breathes life and purpose into the lives of His children.

My heart is held, is encouraged, and is refreshed by these truths today.

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Martha believed in the power available to Jesus Christ; she believed that if He had been there He could have healed her brother; she also believed that Jesus had a special intimacy with God, and that whatever He asked of God, God would do. But— she needed a closer personal intimacy with Jesus. Martha’s theology had its fulfillment in the future. But Jesus continued to attract and draw her in until her belief became an intimate possession. It then slowly emerged into a personal inheritance— “Yes, Lord, I believe that You are the Christ . . .” (John 11:27).

Is the Lord dealing with you in the same way? Is Jesus teaching you to have a personal intimacy with Himself? Allow Him to drive His question home to you— “Do you believe this?” Are you facing an area of doubt in your life? Have you come, like Martha, to a crossroads of overwhelming circumstances where your theology is about to become a very personal belief? This happens only when a personal problem brings the awareness of our personal need.

To believe is to commit. In the area of intellectual learning I commit myself mentally, and reject anything not related to that belief. In the realm of personal belief I commit myself morally to my convictions and refuse to compromise. But in intimate personal belief I commit myself spiritually to Jesus Christ and make a determination to be dominated by Him alone.

Then, when I stand face to face with Jesus Christ and He says to me, “Do you believe this?” I find that faith is as natural as breathing. And I am staggered when I think how foolish I have been in not trusting Him earlier

So after my many feelings of peace, it wasn't long before my next melt down came. As usual, i've been trying to overload my schedule; 8 hours of work, lunch with a friend, a quick coffee with a different friend where i edited her christmas letter, zumba, and a work out on a treadmill all in 10 hours. I walked to work yesterday morning with my uniform, a change of clothes and a workout clothes...that means i was wearing a pair of shoes AND carrying the other. So when i finally walked into my house at about 5:30pm, i realized somewhere along the way i lost part of my work uniform. I freaked out, and it was a total over reaction. I found myself bawling my eyes out and feeling incredibly disorganized - there have been piles and piles of books, picture frames and magazines that have been sitting on my floor for months. Deciding that i couldn't wait another moment for my father to build me book shelves, i grabbed my keys and my phone and headed towards Wenatchee. My friend Justine, who is as faithful and loyal as the day is long, agreed to accompany her slightly hysterical friend, and i was grateful. She helped me pick them out and build them.

At 11:37pm last night, i finished putting together my book shelves, and my room finally looks like an inviting place to be.

Having decided that i wanted to start journaling at least one thing to be thankful for each day, todays entry was definitely about several pieces of particle board, and the peace they brought knowing that when i returned home from work i would walk into a space that was safe, controlled, and in my eyes, beautiful. I am loving this decorating / organizing thing. I don't think i'm a 'nester' in the sense that i need a permanent place to call home, but I cannot handle disorganization or chaos.

Next target: Windows. Time for my first curtains. I am thinking a deep rusty wine color, or a plum grey kind of color. Hmmm...I just really like dark purples and earthy greens together.

On an entirely different note, i found this precious little tea house in Leavenworth that is one of my new favorite places to go and simply be. It was such a blessing to have a cup of tea with new friends who love Jesus and are also fighting the good fight of faith. Thank you miss Catie H for reminding me to keep waiting on the Lord for every need. It's good to be challenged to take every thought captive for Christ.

The Lord is gracious. He has blessings in even the smallest things in my life. I am the daughter of the King - He's more committed to my heart and a beautiful and exciting plan for my life than i am. My prayer for my heart tonight is to be strong in grace, to grow strong in the love that endures all things, and to be strong in administering grace to myself.

Everything just feels so fine and peaceful tonight. He is good.

WADC

Just a little snap shot of what the last week of my life has looked like. 'The Girls" sitting outside on George Washingtons back deck in Virginia. Washington DC was beautiful; and i can hardly wait to be able to go back and visit miss Caitie. I would move there in a heartbeat.

It was an absolutely beautiful vacation; exactly what my heart needed. \ Thanks to new friend Tyler, we were able to upgrade to a suite at the Renaissance, of which us girls enjoyed thoroughly. Salads from Cosi, two bottles of wine, dark chocolate, chocolate peanutbutter M&Ms and five and half hours worth of talking made that evening memorable. I laughed till i cried; something i don't remember doing since Capernwray with Charity. I couldn't have asked for a better vacation.

The days seem to keep rolling on, and each day i find myself just a bit more okay with life as i'm living it. Still feeling incredibly unsure as to what i want to do with my life, i always struggle to connect with others - especially those that are beginning to 'live their career dream'. Oddly enough though, they seem to enjoy the stability but find it confusing at the same time. Huh.

It was so good to spend time with old friends and to be able to meet some new ones too. In a strange sort of way, i found it encouraging to meet other young people who LOVE Jesus. This is an ignorant thing to say, but you do kinda doubt they are out there when your pond is more like a puddle. I loved meeting girls that defined classy and gentlemen that held the door, purchased appetizers at dinner for the group just to be nice, and made sure your car mechanical issues were completely solved before they left and drove away. It was a strange encouragement to my heart that continues to penetrates days later. The things said and done were small, loving gestures but they shined the love of Jesus. I just haven't met such lovely enthusiasm and genuine quality of care for others in such a long time. Totally refreshing.

Pause: My mother, my father and myself are all listening to Lady Antebellum in separate rooms. Priceless.

Anyways, my heart has reached a new plateau of peace with the disappointments and pains of the last year. The Lord is always gracious and kind. Letting go of the person you love deeply and accepting that 3 years of hard work poured into an organization that now couldn't feel more distant is incredibly difficult. I've been able to come to peace with those two seperate issues in a way that i hadn't several weeks ago. That is the Lords goodness to me. I trust he will bring me to a place of complete submission of all the dreams and hopes and finally be able to put all things aside to embrace openly my awaiting future. What a beautiful day it will be to understand how my past has brought me to my present.

Letting things go is difficult, especially when your head and heart won't collide on the issue. In my head I've accepted that he isn't coming back, and therefore ready to embrace a different future then i had previous imagined. But my heart doesn't hold the same certainty. Its loyalty has been compromised, and confused. My heart is not ready to embrace a future with somebody else, but knows that waiting is going to land me nowhere but hurt and frustrated.

With that said, i've decided to 'move on' is foolish idealism. To love is to invest, and where you invest deeply you invest yourself - an investment with no reimbursement. Love by it's nature seeks union, and that is a bond not easily broken. Love by design hopes and endures through all things (1 corinthians 13), so of course its confusing to try and feed your heart messages of 'letting go' and 'moving on'. I can't fool myself into thinking a day will come when those precious tears, moments of laughter, and feelings of compassion will matter no more. My heart will always bear a scar - and better the beautiful scars of love than those of heart wrenching regret.

My time is in the Lords hands. He will guide and work my heart through confusion.

I am so thankful for what the Lord is doing in my life. I have fabulous friends who love and encourage me to live every moment of my life. I have a family who loves me. The Lord is working in my life, and his dealings with me are not weak. I am so grateful the Lord is so much more committed to me and my heart than i am. I am living in the middle of what He has for me; it's glamour matters little. I am the daughter of the King, precious, holy, and dearly loved. I have no reason to fear - the darkness of the night or the hopelessness of the moment. The Lord is bringing about a greater purpose.

And one day, when i stand on hinds feet, i will see how He was working significantly each step of the way.

How beautiful it is that our Savior takes thought of us - psalm 40.

I am so undeserving of such extravagant graces.