growth

I'm seeing the healing in my own life. I'm sensing a change. There is a new song in my mouth, a new praise to the Lord -- Oh how my soul has needed this for so long.

Brokenness is a gateway to healing and wholeness. There is something about coming to the proverbial end, something about realizing that i can't, and shouldn't try, to 'move forward'. In this instance, the despair contrasts the light - I grasp the hope to which i'm called because I've grasped hopelessness.

I am becoming more comfortable within my own insatiable desires that are relentless. My heart seems to constantly gravitate for chapters that are closed, doors that are shut. This is a battle I am constantly battling. But it's a good fight, because the fight is for faith that the Lord has more for me than against me (2 kings 6).He knows my heart, knows i'm prone to wander, knows that i'm frail, insecure, and longing for a life more fulfilled than what i'm living.

I was challenged last week to look; to open my eyes and serve beyond the 'emotional' means. I looked, and the devastation has moved me this week. From my new homeless friend Cheryl, to pain of separation of my friends, it's devastating.

My pain, their pain, the pain the world heaves full of, all reveal the neediness of relief and healing. Thankfully, He heals all of diseases, redeems our lives from the pit (psalm 103).

How grateful i am that in my pain, in my neighbors pain, He has given us a firm place to stand (psalm 40). There is a desire in me for Him to come quickly -- to right the wrongs, to bring wholeness, and, most importantly, restore our relationship with the Father that will no longer be plagued by sinful heart. How beautiful is the good news - that even these things will one day come to pass.

Nothing has changed today. In a lot of ways, it's another normal morning -- rise, school, gym, work, eat, bed. But today, I believe that the Lord is so near. My broken heart is being mended. The snow is melting outside, my heart is thawing. I don't sense a direction, but i have a security that is growing in strength that my life is renewed from what it's been. There's a softness of heart that longs to forgive, and be forgiven.

The Father will accomplish his purposes in our lives - and His purpose for me, right now, today, in the Library, 7:50am, is to simply stay soft and obedient to what He his work in and through my life.

It really is a beautiful day.