Cheers.

Several months ago I started having the conversation with those close to me of what it would look like to quit my job. This was piggy backing my prayers from the months before of asking the Lord to give me clarity of when the time was right. I've known for sometime now that the Nines was not where I wanted to be long term for several reasons, but I felt strongly then it wasn't time to walk away. Then.

My mother gave me some sound advice that has stuck with me for sometime: "Let the process decide." In other words, let the the Lord direct you through the circumstances, through conversations, through the leadership and opinions of those you respect in your life. But mostly through what the Lord is whispering, impressing upon your heart.

I've been working overnight shifts for the better part now of 4 months. It's strange to me how quickly the time seemed to melt away. When that curve ball came, I felt very strongly that the Lord didn't want me to fight that change, but to lean in, trusting he would lead and guide through it. And I have, and I'm grateful I listened.

Operating in a lifestyle so far from my natural tendencies has given a lot of clarity into who am and what i desire my life to look like. I feel like I've discovered, or maybe just more aware, of my own choices, those made and those foregone, and their impact my witness to the world. The ways they reveal who I am, what I'm about. Through my time, my money, the places i expend my energy. As I've really analyzed that, both professionally and personally, it was very clear, alongside the dynamics and climate in the front office at the Nines, that its time to leave. To walk away and trust that all i feel the Lord has revealed to me is "part of the process," leading me to what the Lord has next for me. **Side note. I really enjoy that look that follows after people ask "what's next?" and I essentially answer "don't know, but I'm trusting." This is one of those times that I have to lay down the criticism of others, and trust that the Lord would make it clear to me if I was doing something idiotic. He hasn't, and so I move forward.

I'm excited about this transition. Excited about change, looking forward to seeing what the Lord has next for me, dreading the inbetween of where I am not and where i will land. I am choosing to walk away without another job lined up, without clarity in what exactly I should be pursuing. But the Lord has never had an issue with feet that are willing to move. I know as I look at the process, the wisdom and blessing of those I trust dearly to take this step in faith with me, a deep gut sense that this is where the Lord is calling - it all points to trusting, a trust that actively places me in a space that only He can work.

I've never been a person to end anything well. When I reflect of the change of seasons in my life before, there are one or two abnormal times where transition was, on a heart level, easier than expected. As an analyzer, I've always had the tendency to want to slow down, stop, digest, and really let all that's happened soak in. Experiences change you - for the good, or for the not so good.

I walk away from all this with really mixed emotions. My time at the Nines has really stretched me, revealing quite a few things i don't love about myself. The pressure from this job has drawn out (or sometimes dragged out) areas of my life that aren't pretty. I've made some great decisions in my life both personally and professionally during my time here, and I've made some piss poor decisions both personally and professionally during my time here. I struggle with some of the regret I have for my choices, for my beautiful display of -28 patience with my coworkers that happened on more than one occasion. I walk away sad as I recognize that this is the end of a season in relationships with my Nines family - Josie R, Marcela P, Hannah C, Katy W, Steve S, Michael B and Quincy H to name a few. These people have been blessings to me who lifted my spirits and loved me as I've been, both personally and professionally.

I'm not sure what's ahead and what's next. I'm uncertain, but I rest in a certain God. Beth Moore once wrote "Christ bring his peace where He is prince. That's what the title 'prince of peace' represents." There is peace in the surrender of my fear. I pray with expectancy and hope, knowing that the Lord wants to do a new work in my life and in my heart.

I'm excited for a breather. I'm ready to spend some time with my family who are dear to me. To hold babies, play cars with Adric, drink coffee, jog some 8 milers. Spend some time in the kitchen and around the table. I'm excited to read Anne Lamott, journal out some thoughts and organize my closet.

This is a good life, and I want to enjoy every moment of this transition. So cheers to another end, another chapter, and to another beginning. This life isn't perfect, but it is good.