The Lord is working on my heart in this state of hopelessness.

It's in the quiet, early hours this morning that the Lord has drawn near. There are places in my heart He is touching, but the healing is slow and the thoughts painful. I feel abandoned, but He hasn't left me. I feel worth-less, and rejected, and doubtful that my life will ever feel fulfilling. And yet, He promises He is doing a new thing. There are streams in this desert, and they do make glad the way of the Lord.

Today, i trust there are greater things ahead. Today I choose to think well of and hope good things for a person, that if i'm honest, i want to suffer for the decisions he made. I didn't know i could be capable of feeling that way about someone else, but if i'm real and raw and honest with myself, i do feel rays of resentment towards him. The Lord knew these things before i did, and it's His faithfulness that draws the ulginess out.

He's working on me.


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“Your whole spirit . . . .” The great, mysterious work of the Holy Spirit is in the deep recesses of our being which we cannot reach. Read Psalm 139 . The psalmist implies— “O Lord, You are the God of the early mornings, the God of the late nights, the God of the mountain peaks, and the God of the sea. But, my God, my soul has horizons further away than those of early mornings, deeper darkness than the nights of earth, higher peaks than any mountain peaks, greater depths than any sea in nature. You who are the God of all these, be my God. I cannot reach to the heights or to the depths; there are motives I cannot discover, dreams I cannot realize. My God, search me.”

Do we believe that God can fortify and protect our thought processes far beyond where we can go? “. . . the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin” (1 John 1:7). If this verse means cleansing only on our conscious level, may God have mercy on us. The man who has been dulled by sin will say that he is not even conscious of it. But the cleansing from sin we experience will reach to the heights and depths of our spirit if we will “walk in the light as He is in the light” (1 John 1:7). The same Spirit that fed the life of Jesus Christ will feed the life of our spirit. It is only when we are protected by God with the miraculous sacredness of the Holy Spirit that our spirit, soul, and body can be preserved in pure uprightness until the coming of Jesus-no longer condemned in God’s sight.
We should more frequently allow our minds to meditate on these great, massive truths of God.