Cedar + Gold

I think i found an album that sings my hearts tunes. Tristan Prettyman.

I hear a girl that is struggling to put to words all that i'm feeling myself.

What are we doing here Lord? I'm "chomping at the bit" here. Dream? Hope? But how do i get through the day with Hope and with Dreams? Are they good friends? are they foe? Are they life giving or life taking?

*sigh. More questions i don't have answers for. For those that don't struggle with these kind of impairments, bless you. They are miserable.

I'm warming up to the idea that things could be different for me.

I feel like i'm coming back into my own a little bit. A couple 'exchanges' with boy at the gym, Ryan at Costco, the cute cowboy at the hotel. It feels nice to be appreciated, even if its superficial.

But the truth of the matter is, i wonder if i'm going to have to continue to make my peace with the fact that boys at this age, minus the few exceptions that are either married or well hidden, aren't ready to treat a girl right.

So i continue to move on...move further away from who i thought was the love of my life, the one i thought was forever going to change my life for better. I'm not going to understand it, but I'm accepting it. Theres no need to be angry, but i'm still sad. The heart wants what the heart wants, but i know to move forward is for the better. I want to meet someone who will believe in themself, and believe in me.

He is out there...somewhere. And i trust that in the Lords timing, He will bring the right friend in my life. But in the meantime, i'm trusting that the Lord is more comitted to me than i to Him. That God is more comitted to accomplishing His purposes than my feeble heart. I trust that God is big enough to get my attention if I am not walking in the light of His will for my life.

Lord, keep me humble, keep me raw, and keep me real.

Blessings to brt tonight.