The last couple days have been eventful to say the least.

Justine got her little puppy. Her name is Allie, and i have to admit as much as i am not a pet person, she's pretty cute. I had no idea that puppies could be quiet, and she essentially has made no noise since she moved into our little home last week. I'm not sure what a bark out of her would even sound like. I have a feeling that this anti-pet girl might start to grow uncharacteristically attached to the little munchkin. (see, "pet" names for the pet already. that's a bad sign).

Meggan broke her tibia this week. That makes all 17 steps to our upper unit apartment quite interesting. I know that Megs is not enjoying this experience all that much, but secretly, and maybe selfishly, I am. I'm enjoying time spent driving with her back and forth from work. I'm enjoying honest conversation, silliness, laughing and joking.

Meggan's friendship has meant a lot to me these last days as i continue on my 'overnight' lifestyle. It's given a little more purpose and direction to my day, giving me an opportunity to serve and to grow outside of just my world at work. This opportunity has really blessed me, really given me perspective.

There is still so much beauty happening in my life - i keep writing it, saying it, knowing it, shocked by it. There is richness in my friendships, even if it's not the level of connection my heart is still so desperate for. I sat on the patio of a coffee shop i'd been dying to try with Justine and enjoyed some sunshine in shorts, a T, and sunglasses. We keep seeing Hannah like she is an extension of our little apartment family. After a few alterations, I was able to wear my grandmother's wool green houndstooth skirt to work this week which frankly is an amazing feeling - kind of like getting a piece of her back for a few minutes. I made Parmesan Risotto tonight - it felt like accomplishing something notable in the cooking world. Kind of like running marathons makes you a runner, making risotto makes you a cook. I've been rewatching Downton Abbey like it's no ones business - something about the characters and their struggles in that show speaks directly to my soul.

I am loving attending Colossae. Something about the slowness in my approach there, something about being there inspires me to live more fully, honestly, rawly. There is something special happening there - it's not perfect, but i feel my spirit moved within me when i think about it, pray about it.

And yet in the midst of this all i fight my own humanness. There is a tension we all live in the middle of. In the now and also the not yet. Working out what it means to hope in a world of so much uncertainty and yet learning to be joyful in trusting of the Father despite it. I'm learning to live within my own tension of working a job with a schedule i'm not overly found of, of living within singleness with a strong desire to not be so, in trusting the Lord to bring opportunities to serve in a capacity that fits my gifts and trusting that the people he has poured into my life now are my calling to pray for and serve. It's learning to prayerfully hope for the future while living undeniably in the present. This isn't a new struggle, but i'm more at peace with the fight, knowing that it is good.

I know that the Lord is completely trustworthy in all things, at all times. I believe it with all my heart for others, but i'm not sure I always believe, know that to be true, in my own heart and mind. I want to learn to pray into my future specifically

I love these verses, wrestle with these verses, "camp out" in these verses, questions, and believing the implications they could have in my life if i LIVEd in their reality:


This i know, that God is for me - Psalm 56

Not one word of all the good promises that the Lord had made to the house of Israel had failed; all had come to pass." Joshua 21.

Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.  Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance,  and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. - Romans 5.

 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone.The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4