I realize now that was only to prepare me for the place I'm standing now.
I wonder if most of life is lived like this - having absolutely no idea what you are doing, where you are going, and having little idea of what the next 'step' is. It seems to me that little is predictable, and the things you strive for often don't work out anyways.
From a young age i've been told 'pursue your dreams', 'you can do whatever you set your mind to', etc. But what if you don't have dreams? What if you honestly, haven't a clue what you want?
This blog is simply my exploration of the idea that having no 'direction in life' isn't a wasted life. That actually maturity isn't defined by being self reliant and creating your dream world, but true maturity is learning to blindly trust the Lord and his leading and guidance in life.
This blog is also my exploration of where my worth lies. Because until now, i haven't found worth in work, relationships, or achievements. And how can true worth lie in those things? One day when i die, i leave all those behind anyways. Worth has so much to do with meaning, and i want to spend this year really trying to figure out what my worth is in the eyes of Jesus. The head knowledge isn't getting me very far.
I believe fully the Lord is gracious and He is loving. I believe that there is beauty to be evoked from the scars of my past, and this is the beginning of that journey for me. I am traveling to place where i can place my questions and fears that haunt and plague my day to the side, and say it is well with my soul.
I am only at the beginning.
"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to Him, trust in Him and He will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, your justice as the noonday. Wait patiently before the Lord, fret not yourself." - Psalms 37
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